


These words are my own

by starcrossed (starsandnightskies)



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: F/M, isaac centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-01-25
Packaged: 2019-03-09 08:10:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13477308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsandnightskies/pseuds/starcrossed
Summary: Isaac had never been good at expressing his feelings. Maybe if he had been, his father wouldn't have hit him. Or maybe it would've been even worse, since he considered expressing feelings as a sign of weakness. Isaac had never been good at words either. He usually just looked and kept to himself. He knew everyone in school by observing them, he knew their mannerisms, their habits and their weak spots. He knew what made them happy, sad, or angry. But he was never able to label his own feelings. Everything just seemed to blur together into one big knot in his stomach, all the time.





	These words are my own

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! It's been a while since I wrote anything, but of course I come out of writing retirement for Isaac Lahey.
> 
> This is mainly a character study, not so much a slash fic. Hope it's an interesting read anyway, though keep in mind that this is my personal interpretation of Isaac.

Isaac had never been good at expressing his feelings. Maybe if he had been, his father wouldn't have hit him. Or maybe it would've been even worse, since he considered expressing feelings as a sign of weakness. Isaac had never been good at words either. He usually just looked and kept to himself. He knew everyone in school by observing them, he knew their mannerisms, their habits and their weak spots. He knew what made them happy, sad, or angry. But he was never able to label his own feelings. Everything just seemed to blur together into one big knot in his stomach, all the time.

Fear was one of the main things he was able to identify. Fear of his father, fear of hurting people, fear of ending up like his father. Whenever he spoke, he wasn't sure if he heard himself or his father's words. He had even started to enjoy school because it meant more time away from his father, even though it wasn't really helping his grades.

Everything changed when his father was killed, and at the same time it's like the earth stood still. Isaac was free of his father, but the ball of fear was still there, in his stomach. He doubted it would ever go away. Technically, he was a predator now, but he still felt like prey. He had Derek and Boyd and Erica to protect him and they were his pack, but he still felt alone.

It wasn't until the summer that Isaac felt anything other than fear, adrenaline and loneliness. Jackson the kanima had been defeated and everything seemed okay during the summer. Beacon Hills was calm and quiet, almost peaceful. Deceitfully, eerily peaceful. Isaac didn't trust the empty streets of Beacon Hills nor the radio silence he got from Derek and Scott. He spent most of his time hanging out with Stiles who, much to his surprise, was actually a decent guy. They had the same sense of humour and sharp wit, and shared a tendency to reply to everything with a sarcastic comment. It made for very interesting days.

"You know, Scott is just taking his break-up with Allison pretty hard," Stiles told him out of nowhere when they were playing Call of Duty at Stiles's house one day. Isaac was quiet for a moment.

"I think Allison did too." Isaac wasn't particularly fond of the huntress, especially not because she slashed him up with a bunch of knives before the Kanima took her out. But he hadn't seen her all summer and word had it that she went to France. He wondered if she would ever return - Beacon Hills had brought her nothing but death and destruction. Her mother and aunt died here, her grandfather murdered half the wolves in the town and she had slashed up and captured a few of them as well. Even Isaac.

But he sort of understood. He had seen the same rage and grief in his father when Camden had died overseas. For his father, that rage and grief had melted into abuse and punishment for Isaac - why did he get stuck with Isaac when the better son was dead? And for Allison, it was her mother's death that had caused her to lash out at everyone who was, even distantly, at fault for her death. And in her eyes, all werewolves were at fault.

Yes, he was still pissed she actually stabbed him with knives a dozen times, but he understood where her anger came from.

"Allison dumped him," Stiles said as his character in Call of Duty respawned. "Why would she take it hard?"

Isaac said nothing as he killed Stiles's character again and Stiles forgot about the entire conversation when he yelled out in frustration and slammed his controller on the table.

In the final week of the summer, before school would start up again, Scott finally came around. "He lives!" Stiles joked and Scott gave him a good natured push. Naturally, it was good natured, Scott didn't have a bad bone in his body. But it was a sign of long-standing friendship between the two of them, as Isaac had observed. He prepared himself to slink back into the shadows now that Scott had miraculously surfaced after a summer of hanging out with Stiles, but things could not have been more different. Scott dragged him and Stiles along to a tattoo parlour to get his first tattoo, two bands, and insisted that this was the beginning of a new Scott McCall.

Isaac doubted it, but he supported it nonetheless.

Stiles fainted at the sight of the needle.

One ice pack and several painful hours later, they were back in Stiles's jeep. Painful for both Scott and Isaac, because the buzzing of the needle had started to grate on Isaac's nerves only five minutes in. For Scott, because the tattoo healed almost instantly as soon as it was done. Stiles mumbled something about hating it and Scott looked so offended that it startled a laugh out of Isaac where he was seated on the backseat. Stiles looked up in surprise at the sound, Isaac rarely laughed. He got a big smile from Stiles for his effort and looked away, suddenly insecure.

As they drove home and Stiles stopped for a red light, Isaac's eye was caught by a blue Toyota, which he recognised as Lydia's car. But she wasn't alone. Allison had, after all, returned from France and was chatting with her best friend. She caught Isaac's eye with a wide smile on her face and for a moment, Isaac froze. He had never really seen how pretty she was, but the dimple caught him by surprise. There was something of guilt in her smile, as she remembered what she had done to him. She turned away as soon as she spotted Scott and Scott panicked as well. "Just drive, Stiles!"

Stiles did not drive, arguing that he wasn't going to risk a fine for running a red light because Scott needed to get away from his ex-girlfriend. Lydia, however, drove off, running the red light and Isaac wondered why. They were in two separate cars, they wouldn't even hear each other if they tried and surely a few months of distance should make it easier?

 Maybe Isaac just didn't get it, because he hadn't broken up with anyone. Not that there had been anyone to break up with, but still.

They didn't see the girls again until the next day at school. Isaac had gotten detention, though he wasn't entirely sure what for, since he had not beaten up the twins - they had beaten up each other. Much to his bad luck and surprise, Allison was in detention too. Mr. Harris was unfair as always and decided that the two of them had to restock the janitor's supply closet. Isaac hated small, enclosed spaces. And he disliked being near Allison, no matter how pretty she was. She could be hiding daggers in her sleeves or up her skirt.

Isaac didn't put it past the huntress to carry knives to school, even though Stiles had said that the Argents were done hunting. He knew what a force of habit was like - he had meticulously cleaned the plates at Derek's house every single night. He wasn't scared of Derek, not at all (okay, maybe a little), but it was something that had been beaten into him repeatedly - do the washing up or get locked in the freezer for another night. Derek had told him time and time again that it was okay not to do the washing up and leave the dishes for him, but Isaac never seemed to be able to beat the habit.

And then the door was locked from the outside and Isaac was stuck in a small enclosed space. With Allison. Predictably, he freaked out and he felt his wolf taking over, claws and fangs sprouting and eyes glowing. He lost it and the next few minutes passed in a blur. He came to it when he felt small hands on his shoulder and heard a soft voice repeat "It's okay, Isaac. It's okay."

As soon as Allison realised he was calm again, she released him and backed off. "You're okay," she said as she backed into a corner and left him as much space as possible in the small closet.

"Thanks," Isaac croaked as he sank to the floor with his back against the door. "I don't like small spaces."

Allison gave a humourless chuckle. "I noticed. I'll text Scott, ask him to come free us from this horrible space. It smells like chemicals. It smells like hospital." Isaac knew that Allison hated hospitals, especially since her mother died. Allison wrinkled her nose at her phone as she tapped away and pressed send. "Are you alright?" she asked after a short silence. "You look pale."

"I'm surprised you can tell in this dark closet," Isaac said. "But I'm fine now. Thanks again, I was about to lose it." He wasn't sure why he was so honest with her, normally he would never admit he almost lost control. But with Allison, it was different somehow. Maybe it was because she knew what it was like to lose control, lose everything, and crawl back up. It was then that Isaac caught himself staring at her and he averted his gaze right away, his face burning. He hadn't even noticed that he'd been staring and judging by the small smirk on her face, Allison _had_ noticed.

Outside, something big scraped across the floor and the next moment, the door opened and Scott looked at them. Isaac, on the floor, and Allison, backed into a corner in the already small closet. Unsurprisingly, he dragged Isaac from the closet and put enough space between him and Allison so he could interfere if necessary. Isaac felt like he could breathe again. "Everything alright?" Allison nodded calmly, picking up their bags from the floor and handing Isaac's back to him.

"Nothing happened, we're okay." Isaac saw the vending machine from the next corridor sideways on the floor next to him and frowned. No human would have been able to move that thing, so this must've been the twins' work. Scott had evidently drawn the same conclusion and looked ready to beat someone. "Scott, we're okay," Allison repeated. He eyed her up and down, checking if Isaac really didn't harm her and she scoffed. "Seriously, Isaac didn't hurt me. I know he wouldn't."

She had more faith in Isaac than he had in himself. It was uplifting, in a strange way.

Naturally, Stiles showed up late with Lydia in tow and was also ready to kick some ass. Isaac left them to it as he picked up his bag, took a deep breath and turned the other way. Despite their comradery sometimes, he still felt out of place in such a big group of people, a big group of _friends_. As he looked back, Scott and Stiles were arguing whether or not it was immoral to kill the twins, Lydia rolled her eyes at them and Allison was.... nowhere to be seen. "Hey," she said in his ear as she caught up with him.

It startled him a bit, but not as much as it would have before. He still knew nothing about her motives, but for once, he didn't catch himself wondering if she had any ulterior motives. "Hey," Isaac replied. "Where are you going?"

Allison shrugged as she almost had to skip to keep up with him. Subconsciously, he slowed his tempo so she could keep up. "Don't know, where are you going? You looked like you could use company." She seemed to realize something as she slowed down as well and looked ashamed of herself. "Unless you don't want company, of course. I'm sorry, I jumped to conclusions."

Isaac chuckled as he stopped just short of the front doors. "You're right, I could use some company." The little white lie was worth it when a big smile appeared on her face. "Do you want some ice cream?"

They talked all afternoon, walking around Beacon Hills, ice creams long gone. Strangely enough, they had much in common for a hunter and a werewolf. Isaac found himself opening up to her and Allison was good at listening. She didn't offer empty comfort or pitying looks, instead choosing to share her own stories in return. They had ended up at her house. Chris was out of town on some kind of business trip, Allison had said. She didn't sound like she believed it. They watched a few episodes of some show Allison liked, one about vampires and werewolves. She had shrugged when Isaac had looked at her disbelievingly. "It might be real, but I can still enjoy looking at all the drama that's thankfully not ours."

They spent many more days like that one, and they grew closer. As friends, but also - Isaac let himself dream- as more. He told her about his fear to become like his father and Allison instantly stated that he would never turn out like that. "You will never be like him, Isaac. And I'm glad for it." And he believed her.

"I love you, Allison," he said, for once certain of his words. And it was for the first time that Isaac was absolutely, one hundred per cent sure that these were his own words. His father had never been capable of love and it felt like the biggest victory that Isaac _was._ He owned these words, and his father could never take them away from him.

Allison held him as he cried.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! Let me know your thoughts?


End file.
